What part of no?
by Sapphire Luna
Summary: YAOI! Koukou! Kouji likes Kouichi. Kouichi likes Kouji. The problem is that Kouichi refuses to have a relationship with him, and Kouji has trouble taking no for an answer. Does he really want Kouichi's love or is he after something...different?
1. Chapter 1

I don't own! There. Said it. This story countains yaoi/shounen-ai and Koukou. Those mix so well together! If this isn't your cup of tea, well don't stay. *starts singing Linkin Park's Don't Stay*  
  
***  
  
--What part of no?--  
  
******  
  
"Kouichi, wait!"  
  
The short haired boy pretended he didn't hear his brother's voice calling him, and continued his way, avoiding puddles of water formed from the heavy rain this morning. The voice called out two more times, still Kouichi ignored it. Kouji finally caught up to him and grabbed his wrist to stop him.  
  
" Kouichi! Couldn't you hear me? I feel like you've been avoiding me all week. What's up?"  
  
" Nothing," the twin answered without taking his eyes off the ground. "I've just been really busy this week, that's all."  
  
" Oh really? I can tell when you're lying, Kouichi. Cause you're afraid to look at people's eyes when you lie." Kouji was right. His brother was exposed now, he would have to tell him what's wrong.  
  
" I... I needed to be alone... to think about... stuff." Kouichi still didn't raise his look from the sidewalk. He couldn't tell Kouji, could he? About the "stuff" he's been thinking about.  
  
That answer wasn't enough for Kouji. " What stuff? What's wrong? Tell me."  
  
Kouichi thought for a second then said a simple " No." He felt bad being like that to Kouji, but he really couldn't tell him he had been thinking about him all this time. Kouichi loved Kouji allright. But when he found out he *really* loved Kouji, it freaked him out totally. He was in love with his own brother, how wrong was that? It was weird, freaky, scary and WRONG! There is no way in the world Kouichi could let him know that. Kouji wouldn't have anything to do with him anymore if he knew, right? Hanging out with a brother that's in love with you is too awkward. People would make fun of him for it. So Kouichi would just keep quiet. Forever if necessary.  
  
" Ok then, don't tell me." Kouji was a bit shocked, Kouichi usually never refused him anything. He took a step towards Kouichi even though they were already standing pretty close to each other, which caught Kouichi off guard. He backed away from Kouji, but tripped on the side walk and fell backward, grabbing Kouji's jacket in the process and bringing them both down splashing in a mud puddle.  
  
" Sorry!" Kouichi apologized. The two of them were covered in mud, on their clothes and on their faces.  
  
Kouji smiled at this funny sight. " Are you hurt? You did break my fall."  
  
" No, I'm fine." Then Kouichi realized Kouji was still leaning over him. This caused the slightly older twin to blush, but thanks to the mud it didn't show. He stood back up as fast as he could, embarassed.  
  
" Let's go to my house and wash this up, okay?" Kouji asked.  
  
" Actually, I'd rather go home myself and..." Kouichi couldn't finish because Kouji was already dragging him to his house. Kouichi sighed and followed him.  
  
People in the streets were staring at them, walking like that covered in mud. Kouichi was embarassed, while Kouji just glared at them. The two of them finally got to Kouji's house. After removing their shoes, Kouji led his brother to the bathroom.  
  
" Let's take a bath before we catch a cold and clean up." Kouji said, as he turned on the bath's tap.  
  
Kouichi gulped. "You mean... together?"  
  
" Yeah, why do you sound so surprised? It's not like we've never done it before." Brothers taking a bath together didn't appear weird at all to Kouji. Lots people take baths with their siblings when they're young. And it was true they've done it before. But that was *before* Kouichi fell in love with Kouji. Now, taking a bath with him would be too much for him to handle.  
  
" Um, it's okay. You go first, I'll wait."  
  
" Don't be silly. Come in before the mud dries up and you get crocodile skin." Kouji smiled and took off his blue jacket, followed by his yellow shirt. Kouichi felt his body temperature rising up fifty degrees.  
  
" No really, I don't want to disturb you and..." He had a hard time thinking up excuses.  
  
" What's wrong with you? Are you shy all of a sudden? Come on in, there's no point wasting water." Kouji removed his last sock, and hopped in the water. (A/N: Think those big rectangular japanese baths you see in anime) There was no way Kouichi could escape it now.  
  
The very embarassed boy sat down, and worked on taking off his left sock, while Kouji scrubbed the mud away. Five minutes later, Kouichi was still working on removing his left sock! Then he finally got to the right one... By the time Kouji was perfectly clean, only the two socks and his jacket were off. He wanted to buy as much time as possible, hoping Kouji would get out before he got in. But his plan failed because Kouji wasn't getting out just yet, he was staying it in a little longer. Kouichi sighed. He couldn't avoid it. He removed his remaining clothes and got in the water too. He stayed as away from Kouji as he could, grabbed a sponge, turned his back to his brother and began to scrub the mud away. While he was getting the mud to come off, he didn't notice Kouji creeping behind him. The long haired boy, now with his hair down, place his left hand on Kouichi's shoulder and began washing his brother's back.  
  
"There's... really no need... for you to do that." Kouichi could feel the water boiling around him, as his twin softly rubbed his back with the sponge. Boy, it felt like an angel's feather, so soft and gentle. It's a good thing Kouichi was in front of Kouji, because he never could have hidden his deep red blushed face. " Kouji... I can do it myself..."  
  
" You look so tense today. Why don't you try to relax?" Kouji continued his gentle touch over his brother's back, going up and down, up and down. That feeling was too much for Kouichi. Really, the water HAD to be boiling! He was feeling so hot inside and was getting dizzy. Being naked in a bath with Kouji and him being so gentle to him? Too much emotions. Way too much emotions. Too much blood rushing to his brain. Kouichi fainted right into Kouji's arms.  
  
******  
  
Weee! This is the first time I write a yaoi fic. About my favorite pairing XD! So please review and tell me if I do something wrong, This is just the first chaptie, tell me if it sounds good so far, ok? 


	2. Chapter 2

Wee! It's me again! Someone who reviewed told me I had a weird writing style. She might be right, but that's because English is my second language. Tell me what I do wrong, ok?

**What part of no?**

Chapter 2

*****

            When Kouichi woke up, he was on Kouji's bed, wearing only his boxers. Kouji was sitting beside him, looking very concerned.

            "Are you ok? You scared me, fainting like that! What happened to you anyways?" Kouji asked as Kouichi sat up on the bed.

             " Um... I don't know. I guess the water was too hot for me," was the best thing Kouichi came up with.

            "Too hot? You took so much time to get in, the water was getting cold!"

             " Well, I'm very sensitive!" Boy, so many lies coming from Kouichi today! 

            Kouji pointed to some clothes on a chair. " Our clothes are in the washig machine, I'll lend you my clothes."

            " Um thanks." Feeling unconfortable wearing nothing but boxers while Kouji was fully clothed, Kouichi put on Kouji's clothes right away. There was a navy T-shirt with black pants. Then he sat back on the bed, then noticed Kouji was staring right at him. "What?"

             " You are not acting like yourself, Kouichi. There's something wrong going on!"

Wrong? Of course there was something wrong! Being in love with your brother! That's what! But still Kouichi lied. 

            " I told you already. I'm fine." He turned his face away from Kouji's as he said that and Kouji didn't fail to notice it. Unexpectedly, he placed his hand over Kouichi's. The short haired boy's heart jumped.

             " Whatever it is, it will be ok, you'll see." Kouji softly said as he leaned towards his brother.

            Kouichi's heart jumped again. At this rate he would get a heart attack! Kouji was getting too close for comfort. Unsure of what his brother was attempting to do, Kouichi backed away, and backed away again until he fell down the bed and landed on his butt. Kouji laughed and asked if he was  okay. Kouichi quickly got to his feet and said in a nervous voice : " I... I gotta go! Thanks for the clothes" With that, he left the room and soon the house. Kouji blinked. The other boy left so fast he didn't even had time to say bye. He sighed. What the hell was wrong with his twin brother?

            Kouichi ran down the street without stopping. He was feeling too weird now. What the hell happened there? Kouji placed his hand over his only to comfort him, no doubt. But, how to explain Kouji leaning towards him like that? Maybe he hadn't been leaning at all and it was all his imagination? Maybe he was just still dizzy and was seeing all sorts of funky stuff? Or maybe,just maybe... No way! Snap out of it, Kouichi! He was just tired. 

            The next day it was raining again, so the gym class had to be in the gymnasium. Kouichi and Takuya's class was playing soccer on the left side of the gym, while Kouji's class was playing basketball on the other half. Kouji didn't like gym class. Not because he didn't like sports, but because of that annoying guy who cheated all the time and was being rough with everyone. His team was playing against his, and he kept shoving the smaller guys into walls each time the teacher wasn't looking. There's no way he would lose against that guy.

            Meanwhile, Kouichi and Takuya were practising soccer drills along with the rest of the class. Takuya was the captain of the school's team and Kouichi had just joined the team too. He thought that playing a sport would help get his mind away from his troubles. He wasn't very good yet, but Takuya was teaching him. And he was a much better teacher than theirs. Karima-sensei was a nice person, but she sucked as a gym teacher!

            "Good! Keep it up!" Takuya cheered as Kouichi was trying to keep the ball from falling down. "Just a little more and..." He was distracted by the sound of a crowd cheering coming from the basketball class. A bunch of people had gathered in a circle. Someone was fighting, most likely. Takuya and Kouichi left the class, to go see what was going on on the other side. They managed to squeeze through the people and saw Kouji and that cheater guy fighting. While they were playing earlier, after pushing around Kouji's teammates, Akira, that's the name of the jerk, had tried to trip Kouji three times. And that third time was one too much for Kouji. It started as an argument, but as soon as Akira grabbed Kouji's collar, it got down to fists. The teacher had left the gym for a few minutes, and the other kids were cheering the battle instead of stopping either of them. Kouichi was shocked when he saw his brother fighting, while Takuya kind of had a feeling Kouji was part of this. 

            "What should we do, Takuya?" Kouichi asked, unsure if he should try to help his brother or try to stop them.

            "Nothing," Takuya replied. "There's no way in hell Kouji would lose."

            Kouichi smiled, knowing Takuya was perfectly right. Still, Kouji did receive a few punches and the guy was bigger than him. But Akira was the one getting most of the beating. Then the teacher finally came back. He had trouble to separate the two, but managed to do it. Akira had a few bruises and a ripped shirt while Kouji had a black eye and a slightly bleeding forehead. Kouichi unconsciously glared at Akira for what he had done. How dare he hurt Kouji like that!

            "Allright! Akira, to the principal's office! Minamoto, go see the nurse!" the teacher ordered, despite Akira protesting that Kouji started it. Kouji smiled evily at him. He was getting away with it , but not him! Kouji headed to the nurse's office, followed by Kouichi, who wanted to make sure he was okay. Takuya was about to do the same, when his teacher called.

            "Kanbara! What are you doing over there? Come back to your class! He doesn't need two persons to go see the nurse."

            "Hai..." Takuya returned to his class alone.

            Kouichi was waiting outside while Kouji was inside with the nurse. The nurse wanted to wash Kouji's wounds but that stuff stings! Kouichi heard the sound of glass breaking followed by " Sit down!" and "Don't touch me!" Kouichi smiled. Typical Kouji. No stranger would touch him. He entered the office and asked the nurse if he could wash his brother's wounds. The nurse didn't want to deal with it so she said yes and left.

            Kouichi grinned. "They say the nurse eats children for breakfast."

            "No kidding. Hey, are you sure you know how to do this?"

            "Trust me."

            Kouji sat on the chair, while the other grabbed a piece of cotton and the bottle of the evil stinging liquid. Kouichi warned him it was gonna sting a little and started to wash his forehead. Kouji flinched. It was painful, but a lot less than what the evil nurse was doing. His brother was being a lot more gentle. After he was done, Kouichi placed a bandage and kissed his forehead. There!

            Kouji blinked. "Why did you do that?"

            Crap! Why _did he do that? Kouichi giggled nervously. " Sorry about that. Mom used to do this all time when I hurted myself." _

            "Is that so?" Kouichi handed him an ice pack for his eye. "Thanks."

            "Ah!" Kouichi exclaimed.

            "What is it?"

            "I just remembered! The big math exam! It's tomorrow! And I haven't started to study yet!"

            "That's just like you! Don't worry, come over tonight and we'll study together."

            "Are you sure?" Kouichi didn't feel like going to Kouji's house again after what happened the day before. But he really needed to study for that exam. He promised his mother he wouldn't fail again.

            "Sure, I'm sure! I need to study too anyways. Wait for me in front of the gate."

            "All right. I better get back to class now or Karima-sensei will be angry. You just rest some more." The boy turned around to leave.

            "Kouichi!" his brother called.

            Kouichi turned back. "Um?"

            "Thank you."

The boy blushed and left the office.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey hey! ff.net finally added Kouichi to the characters list. It's about time! Poor little boy, always left out! :( 

Thanks for people who reviewed! Thanks to people who read but did not review too. I would like to hear from you though!

**What part of no?**

Chapter 3

            Kouichi had been waiting for Kouji in front of the school gate for fifteen minutes. He actually got there earlier just to be sure to not have Kouji waiting. Then rain started. Damn rain season. It looked like it would never end. While he was getting wet, Kouichi was still thinking about yesterday. Fainting in Kouji's bath like that. How embarassing. And when he woke up in his brother's bed, he was wearing his boxers, wasn't he? That means Kouji had to pull them on for him. The boy blushed. Oh dear, why me? Why didn't he fall in love with Izumi like most guys in her class? It would have been much easier to deal with it. But no! He _had_ to fall in love with his own brother! Fate definitely hated him. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice he was getting soaking wet. Suddenly, he felt rain wasn't falling on him anymore. He turned around and saw Kouji, holding out his umbrella above him. They both smiled at each other, and walked home.

            Once they got to Kouji's house, the host asked his brother if he wanted something to drink. Kouichi politely declined, than remembered what happened yesterday. If something weird was going to happen to him again, having a glass of water to cool down wouldn't be a bad idea. So he changed his mind. Kouji asked him to come up to his room.

            " If we're going to study, wouldn't we be better settled on the kitchen table?" Kouichi asked.

            " Nah, we'll be more confortable in my room. Come on." The other replied as he was going up the stairs.

             Kouichi groaned silently. Damn it! Alone in Kouji's room again, with no parents home yet too. Fate was trying to kill him. Still, he followed his brother upstairs. They both sat on the bed, and Kouichi got his math book from his school bag. Kouji looked for his in his own bag, but did not find it.

            " I bet I forgot it at school. I'll study with you, ok?" Kouichi nodded. Kouji went over to sit right beside him and grabbed half of the book. Kouichi's heart rate got faster. Was he doing that on purpose?! They were so close their shoulders were touching. How was he suppose to concentrate on his math with him sitting not even an inch away from him? Still, he tried to concentrate. So, if 2 x 4y equals...damn it I can hear his breathing! And 6x + (5x...why is he leaning above my shoulder to look at the book... if a train goes from A to B at a speed of arrrrg! Why does he keep looking at me like that? What is going on?

            " I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Kouichi screamed out loud without noticing. 

            Kouji jumped from the shock. "Woah, I'll explain that problem to you if it bothers you so much!"

            " Oh please do!" Phew, Kouji thought he was refering to the math problem.

            " Well you see, because 3a is equal to 2x, the..." While looking at his brother's eyes while he was talking, Kouichi was completely lost. He looked dreamy there, just being all serious explaining stuff. Yup, his brother was a hunk allright. Even though they were twins, Kouji was so much more better looking than him. At least that's what he believed. 

            " And by doing that you get to the answer. Do you understand?"

            " Uh? What?" Kouichi snapped.

            " Were you listening to me, Kouichi?"

            Kouichi looked down. " I'm sorry. I was thinking about... stuff... again." 

            " Less thinking, more studying!" Kouji scolded.

            So the twins studied for a bit, Kouji trying to explain stuff as clearly as he could, while Kouichi was trying to concentrate as much as he could. Soon, they felt like they had studied enough. Kouichi bent down the bed to place his math book back in his bag, when he noticed something sticking out from under Kouji's bed: Kouji's math book. What? But he said he forgot it at school... What's going on? Kouichi accidently dropped his big heavy book on one of his finger.

            " Ouch!" he said, instinctively putting his finger in his mouth. There was a little bleeding mark on his finger.

            Strangely enough, Kouji took his brother's hand kissed the wound on the other's finger.

            Kouichi flushed furiously. "What did you do that for??" he managed to say.

            " You did the same for me this morning, didn't you?" Kouji smiled.

            " Ok, that's it. You say I'm being weird, but you're being a lot weirder that me lately, Kouji! Are you making fun of me?

            " You think I've been making fun of you?"

            " Well it looks that way!"

            " I would never make fun of you." Kouji's face got closer to his brother's. " I'm not making fun of you, I'm being serious." Kouji kissed Kouichi's lips. Kouichi's heart almost stopped from the shock. His brother. Kissing him. Suddenly, Kouichi pushed Kouji away rather harshly.

            " WHAT ARE YOU DOING, KOUJI?!" The boy's breathing was hard, he had never yelled like that.

            " I' m sorry." Kouji turned away. " I... I somehow thought you might be feeling the same way."

            The short haired boy stayed silent for a moment, trying to find the words. He finally spoke. " Kouji, do you... love me?"

             The long haired boy smiled weakly. " I know, it's freaky. Isn't it?"

            " That it is! But..." Kouichi paused. "... I feel the same way."

            Kouji turned back to look at him. " You do?"

            The other nodded, unable to speak. Kouji gaved a shy smile, that soon turned into a big happy smile. The other smiled too, while being unable to stop blushing. Kouji got back close to him, and attempted to kiss him again. To his surprise, his brother stopped him.

            " Why not?" The slightly younger brother asked.

            " That's not right! You shouldn't be in love with me! I can live with it, but I don't want you to feel what I've been feeling."

            " What? But nothing is stopping us!" Kouji tried to kiss him once more.

            Kouichi pushed him again. " No! Being both male makes things bad enough, but being brothers makes it wrong, disturbing and forbidden!"

            "What?! I can't believe you're thinking that! I love you, you love me. Where's the problem? We're not going to keep from being together just because of what ethic says! I really don't give a damn if it's wrong or not!"

            " But...but..." Kouichi was a bit scared by his brother sudden change of mood.

            " Listen," Kouji's voice got softer. " No one will know. We'll keep it a secret from everyone. It'll be just between you and me. Ok?"

            Kouichi felt tears coming to his eyes. He wanted to say yes. He really did. But he couldn't. It was painful. " It hurts! It hurts so much inside!" Lots of tears came out. He sobbed a few times. " Make it stop!"

            Kouji held his brother in his arms and stroked his hair. "I'll make it stop." Soon Kouichi stopped crying. Kouji layed him on his bed, and placed his body over his. "We'll keep it a secret," he said in a very soft and almost inaudible voice. He tried to kiss him for the fourth time, but this time he wasn't pushed away. Both closed their eyes, and just layed there, in the silence of time. And it felt good. For once, Kouichi forgot his problems of right and wrong, and let himself finally be at peace and simply enjoyed what he had been dreaming about. And it felt good. Kouji never imagined a kiss could taste so good, let alone one with his twin brother. He wouldn't have wanted to share this feeling with anyone else in the world. He got what he wanted. And it felt good.

            Then, just as Kouji was about to deepen the kiss, a noise was heard. It happened so fast that when they realized, it was too late. 

            " Kouji, I brought you... Oh my god!!"

            Kouji's step mom dropped the laundry she was bringing. They hadn't heard her coming at all! And now she saw them, the two twin brothers, laying on top of each other, kissing. Way to keep it a secret, uh?


	4. Chapter 4

You know, as I was writing this fic, I wondered how being in love with your sibling would feel like. So I imagined myself and my sister doing the kind of stuff you see in regular Koukou fics. Yuck!! Arg, try it, you'll see I  mean. How come it sounds so sweet for Kouji and Kouichi but for anyone else it's gross? There's just something about them that makes it look so special.

**What part of no?**

Chapter 4

            The brothers gasped as they turned to see Kouji's step mom standing in front of the door, looking quite shocked. She managed to let out a "sorry!" and left, closing the door behind her. She went down the stairs, holding a hand to her forehead. What did she just see there? Did her eyes deceive her? Or was it really her husband's son kissing his recently discovered twin brother that she saw? Maybe they were practicing CPR or rehearsing a play? No... they looked way too passionate about it. She needed to sit down... 

            Kouji and Kouichi's hearts were still beating very fast. It was so wonderful, why did she have to come and ruin it?

            " Damn it! She's usually not home at this hour! If only she wasn't so quiet we could have heard her just in time!"

            Kouichi wasn't hearing what his brother was saying. He was so shocked. The one and only time he had decided to put his thoughts aside and enjoy his feelings, it had to turn out like this! He never should have done this! She saw them! She saw them! Now she was going to tell their father, and surely, he would never accept this. Kouichi could imagine how he would forbid him from ever coming to his house again, how he would get Kouji to change school, and how the two of them could never be together again. Of course, Kouichi thought he was to blame for all this. He began to cry. Why? Why did he have to kiss Kouji? He should have said no a fourth time! Now they would be unable to see each other forever! All because of him. He sobbed, and ran out of the room and out of the house, not daring to look at Kouji's step mom. He ran down the street, just like he had done the day before. Except there were a lot more tears today.

            Kouji just stood there. Looking at the empty space on the bed his brother was filling just thirdy seconds ago. A weird feeling of déjà vu. The same thing happened yesterday. But he didn't have time to think about Kouichi right now. He needed to think about how he would explain this to his parents. Should he just tell them the truth or make up the most perfect lie?

            The perfect Lie : " Kouichi choked on a cookie because he ate it too fast and couldn't breath anymore so I had to perform CPR until he would cough it up. It took a while but he finally got it out. I was scared for a second there! Good thing they taught us CPR at school, uh?

            The Truth : "Kouichi and I are in love."

Tough choice.

            Dinner time came. Kouji had to go downstair and face his parents. Oddly enough, his father was in a very good mood. He asked his son how his day went.

            " Um, very good dad." Kouji looked at his step mom. She wouldn't look at him in the eye. Obviously she hadn't said anything. He felt relieved.

            Kouichi's mom was making dinner when the door suddenly slammed and she saw her son running up to his room without saying a word. Wondering what was wrong, she went upstairs and knock on the boy's door.

            " Kouichi, is there something wrong, dear?" She heard sobbing.

            " Leave me alone, please." He managed to say.

            The mother was upset about her son's mood but there was nothing she could do for now. A bit later, she returned to ask him if he was going to eat dinner. She received no answer so he opened the door carefully, and saw Kouichi asleep, his face still red from having cried too much. She pulled the covers above him and kissed his forehead. She turned to leave.

            " Okaa-san..." A faint little voice called.

            " Yes, dear?"

            " I... I..." Kouichi wanted to tell her. To tell her he was sad about Kouji, to tell her about his feelings. But... he couldn't. The words wouldn't come out. Because she should never know. But if he told her, at least it wouldn't hurt him so much. But how could he ever tell her something like that? Tears started flowing again. His mother rushed over to him and hugged him tightly. He cried and cried in her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. His mom stood there feeling helpless, rubbing his back while whispering "It's okay" over and over.

            The next morning, Kouji sat down, eating his breakfast while his step mom was on the opposite side, reading the news. She stayed silent for a moment, finding the correct words.

            " You know, Kouji," she spoke. " When I was your age, I liked my big sister very much. I admired her so much that at some point, I even thought I was in love with her and..." Kouji got up from his seat, knowing exactly what she was trying to say.

            " It's not the same!! We are really in love! There's no way you could understand how we feel!" With that, he grabbed his stuff and prepared to leave home.

            " I'm not gonna tell your dad." She said simply, just when he was about to leave.

            " Thank you."

            Kouichi was walking to school, trying to keep his mind clear of thoughts of Kouji. He heard steps behind him.

            "Ohayo, Kouichi!" Takuya waved at him, a big happy smile on his face.

            " Ohayo." The other replied silently, thankful it was only Takuya and not Kouji. He was envious of Takuya. That guy was always happy! He never seemed to have any problems.

            " What's up? You look down."

            " Nothing."

            " I have trouble believing that." 

            " Then believe whatever you want." Kouichi said rather coldly.

            " Woah, someone got up on the wrong side! Hey, we're not waiting for Kouji today?" Takuya asked, as they passed right past the spot where they usually wait for Kouji, to go to school together.

            "No."

            " Why?"           

            " Because."

            "Did something happen?"

            " No."

            " Are you sure?"

            " Takuya, quit bugging me with your questions!"

            " Gees, sorry!" Takuya pouted.

            Kouichi sighted. "I'm sorry Takuya. I'm just not feeling right today." Takuya was just trying to be nice, there was no reason to be mean to him.

            " Ah, I see."

            A few minutes later, Kouichi was in math class, along with Takuya. He shared a few classes with him.

            " All right, kids. It's time for the exam. Put everything away." The teacher said. Crap! Kouichi had forgotten about the exam. He was so upset last night that he had not studied some more after coming back from Kouji's house. Arg, he needed to concentrate. He glanced at Takuya, who flashed a grin at him. Obviously Takuya wasn't nervous at all. Kouichi forced a smiled back then turned to his paper.

            Ok, a car goes from A to C, at a speed of ... That's exactly like the problem Kouji tried to explain to him yesterday! If only he had listened to him instead of staring at his eyes! What? Thinking of Kouji at a time like this? No no! Concentrate, Kouichi! 3y X 2a(y+a)... The image of that kiss came over and over to him. That sweet kiss... then Kouji's step mom breaking in... Ah, why him? Stop thinking about Kouji! There's an exam to do! Before he knew it, the exam time was over and Kouichi had only answered half of it...

             " That exam was pretty easy, uh?" Takuya said as they got out of class. 

            " Listen, I have to get stuff in my locker. See you at lunch, Takuya." 

            " Um, okay." Takuya was surprised by his friend's faint tone. He watched him walk away sadly.

            Kouichi wasn't feeling too good and was wondering if he should go home. But if he did, his mom would worry even more. He didn't want that. He was working on the combination of his locker, but kept getting it wrong, cause his mind was still troubled.

            " Kouichi." A voice called. It was Kouji. Wouldn't you know it.

            The short haired boy backed away as if he had been scared by a wild animal.

            Kouji grabbed his wrist. " What's wrong? If you're worried about yesterday, don't worry. She said she wasn't going to tell anyone.

            Kouichi looked down. " This won't work. This won't work, Kouji!"

            " What do you mean? Why won't it work?"

            " We can't be together! We just can't! People are gonna find out sooner or later! And then my mom is gonna worry! And we won't be able to see each other anymore! I don't want that! I don't want that!!" The boy fell to his knees as he said that. 

            Kouji bent down to face him. " You worry too much! It's not like that! We're free to do whatever we want!"

            " Well I don't want to do that. It's wrong."

            Kouji frowned and grabbed his brother's chin. " Tell me, is _this wrong?" He kissed his brother's lips, just like he had the day before. It took a while for Kouichi to react, but he tried to push Kouji away. Only he couldn't. Kouji figured out his brother would try to push him again, so he held down Kouichi's wrists firmly and had the boy pushed against the locker. Kouichi refused to let the ponytailed boy's tongue in his mouth though, no matter how hard Kouji tried. Kouji finally broke the kiss. Kouichi looked blankly at nothing, unsure of how he was feeling. Kouji did use some kind of violence to hold him down, didn't he? Or was he just over reacting by seeing this as "violence"?_

            " It doesn't feel right to me. Maybe to you it does." He answered Kouji's question.

            Kouji was getting annoyed with his brother's attitude. " Why do you keep refusing me? You love me, you've told me so! Why do you care so much what others think?"

            " I don't...want you to go away from me!"

            " Is that what worries you? No one will take me away! Nothing others say will stop me from being with you."

            " I... I have to think. Excuse me." Kouichi got up and walked away. Kouji just stared at him. Why did he had to have such a complicated brother?


	5. Chapter 5

Weee! Thank you so much for the reviews^^ You have no idea how happy it makes me to know you like my story :) And that only makes me want to write even more.

**What part of no?**

Chapter 5

            Kouichi was walking all alone in the park, thinking about the wild events in his life. Why couldn't he have fallen in love with a girl like Izumi, like so many guys in her class already have. No! He just _had_ to fall in love with his own brother! Why did everybody else's lives seem so much easier than his? He just felt like digging a hole and bury himself forever. Do someone who has this kind of feelings even deserves to exist? 

            " Kouichi-kun!" a voice called.

            The boy turned around. It was Izumi, waving at him, smiling. " Hi."

            " Takuya and Kouji-kun were both looking for you. Takuya said you didn't show up for class this afternoon." The girl said, as they both sat on a bench in the park.

            It was true Kouichi skipped his last class today. He wouldn't have been able to concentrate anyways. The boy remained silent, his friend sitting beside him wondering what to say. Takuya had told her that he wasn't feeling good today. She got up and asked the boy to wait for her a second. Kouichi nodded, wondering where Izumi was going. She returned a few minutes later with two ice cream cones.

            " Here!" she said, offering one to her friend. " Ice cream always makes me feel better."

            " Thanks." Kouichi managed to get a smile at his friend's kindness. But he thought she would try to get him to tell what was wrong with him, just like Takuya had. But Izumi didn't. Instead she just talked about various things, like songs or games, just to get his mind off his problems for a while. They talked and talked and Kouichi even had his first laugh of the day when Izumi told him how Junpei fell flat on his face in front of everyone today. Kouichi smiled. He had such good friends. Everyone was concerned about him. The least he could do for them was trying to get better.

            " Tell me, Izumi, have you ever been... in love?"

            Izumi blushed. " Why that all of a sudden?"

            " I don't know... do you think that some kind of love may be forbidden?" the boy carefully asked.

            " Forbidden? Why would it be forbidden?"

            " Well... you turned some guy down last week, didn't you?"

            " Yes, but his love for me isn't forbidden. It's too bad that his feelings aren't returned, but he's not forbidden from loving me." The girl answered, not knowing why Kouichi was asking those questions.

            " But what if two people are together when they shouldn't be? Isn't that bad?"

            " Eh? Nothing can stop love. It's the most powerful thing there is! Love is never, ever wrong!"

            Love is never wrong. Kouichi repeated these words in his head over and over. Love is never wrong. Can it be? Even for him? Is his love for Kouji not wrong?

            " Love is wonderful, Kouichi. Don't be afraid."

            " Uh? What? Why are you saying this?" The boy blushed.

            " No reason." Izumi said, well knowing Kouichi was somehow talking about himself.

            Kouichi got to his feet. " Thank you for the ice cream. And for the talk too. I have to go now. See ya!" The boy smiled and left.

            The girl waved at him. "Ganbatte, Kouichi-kun," she thought to herself. Whatever it was, she was glad she could help.

            Kouichi was walking, still thinking about what Izumi said to him. Love is never wrong. Kouji did say that nothing would get hima way from him. He should trust his brother, right? He wanted so badly to be with him and Kouji was fully willing of that. Instinctively, Kouichi found himself in front of Kouji's house. And his brother was right there, sitting on the front porch, as if he's been waiting for him. He smiled when he noticed Kouichi approaching. The older brother sat beside the other, and remained silent. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Kouji that he really wanted to be with him, that he didn't feel like them being together was wrong anymore because love is never wrong, even for them. He didn't know how to say it. So instead of using words, he placed his hand over Kouji's and leaned his head on his shoulder. And Kouji understood everything that meant. They just stood there for a long moment without moving. Then Kouji whispered a soft " I love you" in his twin's ear. Kouichi blushed slightly and closed his eyes as the other boy put his arms around him and pulled him closer in a kiss. Kouichi smiled on the inside. He had no regret this time. Kouji tried to deepen the kiss like had this morning, and Kouichi allowed him to do so. It felt strange though because even in his wildest dreams, Kouichi never dared to even dream about doing this. But it felt soft and sweet too. Kouichi felt safe in his brother's arms and Kouji was glad he finally stopped refusing him. Kouichi broke the kiss.

            " You promise you won't leave me alone, ne?" he asked.

            " Are you kidding? You're all mine!" Kouji grinned evily and tickled his brother who fell to the floor laughing while the other continued his tickle attack.

Kouichi hadn't laughed so hard and been this happy in a long while. Too bad things wouldn't stay that way for long.

****

Sorry for the short chapter! School, you know how it is! Say, what do you think will happen next in the story?


	6. Chapter 6

Hey! Did you really think that Kouichi and Kouji were gonna be living happily ever after? No way, not yet! It won't be that easy! Things are about to get much more complicated. Oh yeah, the story switches to Kouichi's POV, ok?

**What part of no?**

Chapter 6

            It had been three weeks since Kouji and I started "going out." It was still a secret from everybody and we intended to keep it that way. Kouji's step mom had not mentioned it again. I was very grateful for that. She was nice to me, even though I had no part in her family. It would have been so easy for her to just tell father, and he'd never allow me to see Kouji again, I'm sure of it. He was polite to me whenever I visited, but somehow I felt like he didn't like me too much. It was painful, but I guess I didn't like him too much either. He was Kouji's father, not mine. That's allright. Mom and Kouji are enough for me.

            I got a terrible grade on the other day's math test. Mom was not happy. Still, Kouji helped me study for the retake exam, which I passed this time. And now, Kouji was home, helping me with my homework. Weird how he always gets the good grades when I struggle to get the passing mark.

            " You're smart, Kouji. You never have any trouble with that math homework." I sighed, while closing my book, we were finished for today.

            " Well... dad used to help me do my homework, so I guess that's why I became good."

            "Aw... you and I are quite different, aren't we."

            " You and I are one, Kouichi." He smiled. " My parents aren't here yet, right?"

            I nodded. He smiled again, took the book from my hands and almost threw it behind him. Each time we studied together, once everything was done, I was getting a storm of kisses. Lips, cheeks, forehead, arms... everything was getting kissed. I thought it was a little too much, but seeing Kouji go at it was quite funny. That's something he would have died of, if someone saw him doing that. It was so unlike him, he's usually so reserved. So there he was, kissing me down my neck and behind the ears, causing me to shiver and slide down below him, head resting on the pillows. Ugh, he knows I can't resist kisses behind the ear! Eyes closed, I just enjoyed the feeling. Kouji's hand touched my cheek softly then went all the way down to my waist. I felt his hand sliding under my shirt. I immediately pulled his hand out of there.

            " What?" my brother asked. He tried to go under my shirt another time. I pulled his hand again.

            " Don't do that, Kouji." Kissing, hugging and holding hands was fine. But more? I was not willing.

            " Now now," he said softly. He tried his hand under my shirt once more. I didn't appreciate that. I was about to complain once more when Kouji's cell phone rang. He wasn't going to answer it, apparently. He prefered to play some more. I stressed that it could be something important. Kouji sighed, got off me and picked the phone from his pocket. Phew. I was saved.

            " Hello? Yeah. What do you want? Hold on." Kouji was being rather rude on the phone, being unhappy we got disturbed. He handed the phone to me. " It's Takuya. He wants to talk to you."

            " Hello? What is it, Takuya?"    

            " Hiya! Your mom told me you were with Kouji so that's why I called him. I just wanted to tell you that soccer practice on Thursday will be changed to tommorow instead. Be there, allright?" Takuya's cheerful voice said.

            "Sure. See ya." I hung up.

            Kouji was looking rather annoyed. " Damn Takuya. Why did he have to call?"

            I understood why he was angry, but I don't think it was right for him to blame    Takuya when there's no way Takuya could have known. To tell the truth, I was glad Takuya called. Because I wouldn't have known how to deal with Kouji back there. And now it was time for me to go home.

            Wednesday came and I was at soccer practice as Takuya told me. We were having a friendly match and so far the match was even. Takuya was being awesome, as usual. And I tried my best but everyone on the team was still better than me. I didn't mind, I was having a good time anyways. Even though I got into the soccer team only to get my mind off Kouji back then, I wasn't going to leave the team just because my problems about Kouji got solved. A guy passed the ball at me. I was running for the goal when I caught a glimpse of the people watching the game. There were a few parents, cheering for their kids, some younger brother and sisters, a few fangirls and Kouji. What? Kouji came to see me play? I blushed and tripped down and fell on my face. The opposite team stole the ball and scored, winning the game. Takuya helped me up.

            " You ok, pal? That was a major fall! What happened?"

            " I don't know... I got distracted by something. Sorry, we lost because of me."

            A guy from the team approached us from behind. " You got that right," he said. "It's all your fault, Kimura! We could have won if you didn't suck that much!"

            Takuya glared at him. " It doesn't matter,  Ayano! It was only a friendly match!"

            Ayano snorted. " Only losers believe in friendly matches!" When he said the word 'losers' he pushed me hard, forcing me a few steps back. Instantly, Kouji jumped from his seat and rushed over to push the guy back. Only Takuya gave Ayano a good shove before my brother could. Ayano snorted at him and left. 

            " He's the loser! You ok, Kouichi?" Takuya asked.

            " Yeah." I nodded. Kouji frowned. I was unsure if it was because that guy tried to harm me or because Takuya defended me instead of him.

            A few days later, something happened again. Kouji and I were at my house this time. We had just finished with the homework, and he was all over me already. Here we go again. This time, Kouji remembered to turn off his cell phone. My heart was beating hard as I heard his breathing while he was kissing me behind the ear like the other day. Then he tried it again. His hand found its way under my shirt once more. I prepared to take the hand away from there again, we he grabbed my wrist with his other hand and forced my arm above my head as I was layed below him, as usual. His soft hand was sliding up and down on my chest, under my shirt.

            " Kouji, I..." I was about to complain when he silenced me with a finger on my lips.

            " Sshhh!" He whispered softly. He brought his hand from under there. Finally, I thought. But no. He took my entire shirt off. I was so not expecting him to do something like this that I didn't react. I was shocked for a while. I really was bare-chested. Who knew Kouji would do something like that? But my eyes widened even more when Kouji took off his own shirt!  Holy Angemon! What was happening here? Kouji's chest looked great, allright! But... no! I can't! 

            " Kouji! What do you think you're doing?! You can't do that!" I sat up and was blushing furiously, yet frowning.

            He did not say anything. He pulled me close and hugged me tightly. Our naked chests were touching and rubbing slightly against each other as he was rubbing my back. What a grand feeling it was. I felt bad. I had no right to be doing that. 

            " Stop, Kouji!"  I couldn't find out what he was gonna say to this because right after that, we heard mom's car pulling in and we rushed to our respective shirt to put them on again. Saved once more.                                    


	7. Chapter 7

Kouji is starting to scare even me! He's acting weird! How much longer can Kouichi handle it? Oh, Kouji is about to get even more..."weird" in this chapter, if you get what I mean. I know some of the readers are very young so I prefer to warn you.

**What part of no?**

Chapter 7

            _Incest: sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry; _also_ **:** the statutory crime of such a relationship. The word "incest" comes from the latin _incestus _which means "sexual impurity". _

            That's what the dictionnary says, I did some research. "Sexual impurity" , uh? That describes it pretty well. I was feeling rather impure right now. They said "sexual intercourse". I never meant for our relationship to be sexual. I just wanted Kouji and I to be together, nothing more. He's the one who turned everything into incest. "Statutory crime." Crime? It's a crime to be in love?! 

            I had just got out of the shower and was staring at myself in the mirror.That shirt incident the other day... well it's been repeated. From that day, each time Kouji and I would make out, we'd take our shirts off. I didn't want that, but I got used to it over time. I liked seeing Kouji shirtless. So I guessed it was just natural that he liked to see me shirtless as well. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I noticed how much different we are. People think that because we're twins, we're exactly alike. That's wrong. I can name a hundred different little things on our bodies. He's much better looking than me. I was getting dressed as I heard my mom greeting Kouji at the door. He was already there? I barely had time to clean my room! Aaw... what was I getting myself into now?

            Somehow Kouji managed to invite himself over and he was staying overnight as well. The day before, he had asked me if he could sleep over. I tried and tried to find a reason for him not to come. Tell him that my mom would say no? My mom adores Kouji! She loved it when he came over! And I love to see my mother happy. There was no reason I could find so I had to say yes.  I was so anxious just thinking that Kouji and I would be sleeping in the same bed tonight. I'm sure that's the only reason he wanted to sleep over! That's a side of Kouji I never knew existed. He wants me. He can't get enough of me. I guess I should be flattered, right? Maybe he wants me a little _too much. I don't know what to do with him... This is getting way out of hands. I don't know how much longer I can handle it._

            I finally got out of the bathroom, and went downstairs to greet Kouji as well. He was talking with my mom and barely noticed me. They talked and laughed and talked... as if they were trying to make up for all those lost years together. It was beautiful seeing them. They both looked so happy. I just smiled and stared at them, not minding the fact that they were ignoring me. I felt relieved that Kouji took his eyes off me for a while! Later, we had dinner. Mom made Kouji's favorite meal just for him. I love my mom. She's the best. But if she knew what was going between Kouji and I, what would she say? In the evening the three of us watched some movies, and then mom said it was time for us boys to go to bed. I begged her to let us stay up a little longer. I wanted to delay the moment as much as I could. 

            " It's already pretty late, dear. You and your brother go to bed, allright?"

            " I'm getting sleepy anyways, Kouichi."

            Arg. It was time. I couldn't get myself out of it now. I went to the bathroom, took a ridiculously long time to brush my teeth, then my hair, and I even flossed too! Now I was out of things to do and Kouji was starting to wonder why I was taking so long. Going into that bedroom scared me. A boy with dirty thoughts was waiting for me there. Be brave, Kouichi. I entered my room, but left the door open. My brother quickly noticed.

            " Can you close the door, Kouichi?"

            I swear, fate hates me. So I closed the door, my last defense. Kouji was already in bed, reading a book while waiting for me. He was in boxers too. I blushed. He looked so cute there. Well, guess it was time for me to get into boxers too. I reluctantly took off my shirt and pants, and I didn't fail to notice how Kouji was staring at me as I was doing so. Embarassing. I just stood there, afraid to get into bed. Kouji looked at me weirdly.

            " Are you coming or what?"

            " Um... sure."

            Oh boy. I would have rather taken a million math tests. I was so stressed, my heart was already beating so fast. Nonetheless, I got in the bed anyways and turned off the lamp. I felt Kouji's body right behind me. It wasn't the first time we slept in the same bed. But that was _before_. Now it was very different. Kouji scooted over to me. My heart started beating even faster, if that was even possible. He was about to try something. He cuddled me from behind and I felt his hand softly stroking my chest, feeling all the littles curves of my body. He kissed behind my neck and I felt shivers all over me. But I did not make a sound, nor a move but my body was very stiff. Kouji's hands must be magical cause he knew just the right places to touch and how to do it. He flipped me over to my back and kissed my chest everywhere. He even used his tongue... what a weird tickling feeling. I tried to ignore a rising tingling feeling. Such a blatant proof of masculinity... I disgust myself. Kouji was always doing all sorts of weird things I've never heard of to me. For someone who's never done it before, he was doing them pretty well! And me, well I never did anything to Kouji while we were making out. I just stood there while he worked his magic on me, I never touched him. _He was the one touching me and __he was the one kissing me all the time. I did nothing. How could I? How could I dare touch my perfect and pure brother with my dark filthy hands? I am Darkness and he is Light, after all. Light and Darkness are supposed to be opposed, not together. But somehow... somehow I thought Kouji could purify me with his light, with his love. Was I a fool to believe that?_

            While I was lost in my thoughts, Kouji kissed my forehead and started a trail of kisses all the way down to my belly button. Then I felt his hand slid under my boxers. No. Please don't, Kouji. I don't want that! It was no use saying it out loud. Kouji never listened to me. Rather, he did not hear me. So I just closed my eyes as he rubbed me up and down... A warm, hot feeling. A dirty feeling. A shameful feeling. My breathing got harder and much faster. I couldn't stop it. So many things were happening inside me all at once making me feel bad. Kouji tried for a while, but nothing was coming out, I couldn't do it. His hand left my boxers. I was relieved... but not for long. He pulled my boxers down just low enough and was going at it with his mouth.

            " NO!" I shoved Kouji violently. He fell backward and knocked his head on the wall. Oh no! What have I done? I did not control myself. I was scared Kouji would be mad at me for hurting him. But he wasn't. He layed down beside me, stroked my hair for a while, kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear.

            " It's okay. It's okay. Don't be afraid." His voice was very calm and reassuring.

            He went down there again and I did not stop him. I was powerless against him. He had me subdued to him completely. Kouji was abusing me, but he was not aware of it. To him, nothing was wrong. I couldn't stand up to him. I felt Kouji's mouth on me. It was an undescribable feeling. I felt hot everywhere and my breathing was as hard a ever. My body was covered in sweat. A series of soft moans was heard. I tried to shut them up, but that only made them louder. Moans were coming from me. Kouji was causing me to moan! My brother was! Silent tears fell from my eyes. I was feeling a mixed emotion of pain, sadness, shame, guilt and pleasure all at once. Even in a very painful feeling, pleasure was there. But all the others were so much bigger. I cried. I could feel Kouji's tongue and warm saliva and more soft moans I was forced to let out. I cried. More tears. I had cried for Kouji a lot before. But never like this. Mother! If she knew what we were doing right now. I'm sorry mother.


	8. Chapter 8

It's me again! Last time Kouji went way too far, didn't he? Kouichi cannot let him have his way any longer! But will he have the courage to confront his brother?

**What part of no?**

Exhausted after what happened, I fell asleep quickly but my sleep was filled with bad dreams of Kouji doing more wrong things to me. I was so tired that I stayed in bed all morning. Kouji had woken up hours before me and was downstairs, having breakfast with my mom.

            " It's 11:30 and Kouichi is still in bed. He's being lazy this morning!" he said while taking a bite of his toast.

            " It's not just this morning," my mother said. " All this week he's been sleeping till noon. And he goes to bed earlier than usual too but he's still so tired. Do you know what happened? Do you work him too hard?"

            Working me too hard? She had no idea! Kouji was the reason I was so tired. Making out all the time was exhausting and the stress was killing me. But of course that was not what mom was referring to when she asked that. But somehow Kouji knew the reason to my sleepiness.

            " Me? I don't know..."

            " You guys have been spending lots of time together lately. Maybe it would be best if you left him alone to rest a little."

            " Yeah, you're probably right." Kouji got up. " I'll be going now. Thanks for having me over. Say bye to Kouichi for me." He hugged my mom and left.

            The next day, I did not go school. Mom let me stay home to rest. I slept all day, still having nightmares about Kouji raping me or dark stuff like that. It was about 3 PM and I was laying in bed, half-asleep, wondering what to do. Last night was too much. I was getting myself sick. I had to do something before things went too far. Because things _could_ go even more far... It was hard. My head said no, but my body was saying yes, and Kouji was definitely saying yes too. My head was outnumbered. The door rang. I wasn't going to answer it, I prefered to stay in bed. But I got annoyed the third time the door rang and went to open it. It was Takuya.

            " Hey, pal! Sorry for dropping in like that. Were you sleeping?" he asked, seeing me in pajamas.

            " It's allright. Come in."

            We sat in the living room and asked Takuya why he came over.

            " You missed school today and I noticed you falling asleep in a few classes last week too. What's wrong?" he asked, with those big curious eyes of his.

            " Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired lately, that's all." How could I tell him?

            " Really? Are you sure? Maybe you're sick? Maybe you caugh a cold? Or maybe..."

            " Takuya, you ask too many questions! Mind your own business, ok?" I surprised myself with those words. It was unlike me.

            " Hey! I'm just worried about you!"

            " Well don't! I'm fine!"

            " Oh really? I noticed how you're stressed  and nervous lately!" Takuya got closer to me and stared in my eyes. " Kouichi, tell me what's wrong. I can help! I'm sure of it!"

             " No, you can't help! Nobody can help! I don't want help! Leave me alone! All of you leave me alone!!" Takuya glared at me and slapped me. Takuya was different from Kouji all right. He grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him.

            " Snap out of it! You're gonna tell me what makes you this way, and you're gonna tell me right now! Now spill it!" Takuya was staring at me with those strong fiery eyes. I couldn't even turn my gaze away from them. Those eyes insisted I tell the truth. How could I possibly confront Kouji if I couldn't even confront Takuya's eyes? I had to be strong. It was time I got over my fears. I had to tell Takuya. I knew I could trust him and I would feel so much better having finally told someone. I had to confront my fears to move on and get stronger.

            " Let's say someone is dating someone and that someone is pushing the other into doing things the person doesn't want to do but can't stop them from happening. What can the person do?" I expained, looking down.

            Takuya got up. " Oh my god!" I braced myself. " Has Junpei been mean to Izumi?" Anime face fall! Takuya was not being very bright today.

            " Of course not! This has nothing to do with them!" Takuya sighed, relieved. My face was red.  " Takuya... I'm that person."

            Takuya's expression got very serious. He suddenly looked very upset. Now it was his turn to look down. " You mean... there's someone in your life?"

            " Yes."

            " I see..." He turned back to face me. " And that person is making you do stuff you don't want to? That's terrible! I can't believe someone would do that to you! That person is a monster, a..." Takuya had trouble controlling himself. He looked like he was ready to kill someone.

            " No! It's not like that... It's much more complicated than that."

            " Just leave that person! Turn that person in or something! Don't ever see that someone again!"

            " I can't! I could never leave that person!" I was ready to cry at this point.

            " Who... is she?"

            " It's ...not a she." I paused. "It's Kouji."

            Long moment of silence. " Wha..what?" Takuyas asked in disbelief. I lowered my head in shame in answer to that. " You and... Kouji... together?" I nodded silently. Another long moment of silence. " That's disgusting!!" I was afraid he would say something like that. I didn't blame him. " Forcing someone like you into these things! How disgusting of Kouji!"

            I blinked. Takuya wasn't referring to the fact of us being brothers at all! He was disgusted at the things Kouji had done. " The next time I see him I'll..."

            " No! It's not his fault! He doesn't know any better! He doesn't even realize what he's doing is wrong."

            " But... you're brothers! He should be able to understand that! Did you speak to him about it?" Takuya's face was red with anger.

            " No... I kept saying 'don't do that!' but he wasn't listening. I just let him do whatever he wanted..."

            " You've got to stand up to him! Don't let him have his way any longer! It's your body, your life! You may be twins but you are both your own person! Confront him, Kouichi!"

            " But... I'm so scared." My voice was trembling.

            " Don't be! He's your brother and he loves you very much. He will have to listen. You can't be scared of Kouji. He's a big softy in reality, isn't he?" Takuya smiled.

            I gave a weak smile back and nodded. Kouji was very gentle, it's true. He was acting wrong but he always had been soft while doing it. Well... maybe except for that time he pinned my arms against the locker the other day. But I forgive him for that, cause I never would have tasted his kiss if he hadn't shown it to me.

            Takuya pulled me in a tight hug and I hugged him back and started crying in his chest. It was a warm and gentle embrace. Like Kouji's, but different. He holded me like he didn't want to let go and that made me feel safe. All my troubles disapeared for a moment. I felt so good and light now that I gathered the courage to finally tell someone.

            " Everything is going to work out now. Don't worry."

            " Don't talk to him about it, please."

            " I won't."

            I cried some more. Tears of happiness. I was glad Takuya came to see me and glad he was such a great person. A person that never judges others and always thinks positively. Still tired, I fell asleep in Takuya's arms. He smiled. When I woke up, half an hour later, Takuya was gone. I found a note beside me on the couch. ' Don't come to soccer practice tonight. I'll tell the coach you're sick. Stay home to rest and think about what to say to him. P.S. Everything is going to be ok!'  Beside the word 'ok' a ridiculous picture of Takuya giving a thumbs up was drawn. I smiled at it. If Takuya said it would be ok, then it would must definitely be ok! I rised from my seat. Because it was time to stand up!


	9. Chapter 9

Allright, Kouichi is finally going to talk to Kouji! But how? And when? Thanks for the reviews guys! =^_^= I can't tell you enough how much I love getting them!

**What part of no?**

Chapter 9

            "Takuya, shoot!!"

            The goggle boy missed. He apologized and motioned to a teammate to replace him and went to take his place on the bench. Takuya sighed. Kouji and Kouichi together. And Kouji being pushy in the bedroom. Woah. Never Takuya could have imagined that. Arg, the mental image of the two of them making out! Pull yourself together Takuya. It's weird, true. But it's not that surprising. The two of them always were very close. And it's not the fact that Kouji is Kouichi's brother that's bothering, it's just that... Kouji liking to make out a bit too much... not what you would expect from him. Pushing his own brother into making out with him. Well, Kouichi wasn't entirely reluctant about making out with him. He was saying that his body liked it, but not his head. Ah! Takuya stop thinking about it! Damn it!

            Takuya's mind was totally filled with thoughts of us right now. He didn't even realized the game was over and that their team had lost. Ayano, the jerk who picked on Kouichi the other day, came over.

            " Where is Kimura today, uh? When he's not here you suck almost as bad as him, Kanbara!" he snorted at Takuya.

            " Get the hell away from me!"

            " Ooooh! We're in a bad mood today! Is it because lil Kouichi was too sick to come? I bet he tripped on his shoe laces and bumped his head on the kitchen table! He's stupid enough for that! That guy has got to be the world's biggest loser."

            " Why you!!!" Takuya jumped to Ayano's throat. " Take that back! Take it back, you hear me!?"

            " No."

            " You bastard!" Takuya and Ayano got into a fist fight. Takuya was filled with a rage I had never seen before. The coach rushed to break them up before none of them got really hurt. Ayano glared at Takuya and left.

            Takuya was ready to leave when he noticed Kouji coming around. My brother had came to pick me up, not knowing I stayed home that day. When Takuya saw him, he felt a sudden urge to punch the crap out of him for what he had done to me. But he had promised to me he wouldn't mention it to Kouji so Takuya tried to calm down when he saw Kouji coming over.

            " Takuya! You and that guy were fighting again? What did he do this time?"

            " He... insulted Kouichi." Kouji looked unhappy when Takuya said that, but quickly hid it.

            " He did? That jerk... if  I see him I'll..." But right now Kouji was upset that Takuya defended me so fiercely again. " Hey, where is Kouichi?"

            " He stayed home. He was not feeling good."

            " He was? I'll go visit him."

            " No, don't." Takuya said. " Leave him alone right now."

            Kouji scowled. " Who are you to decide what I do?"

            " Who are you to decide what he does?"

            " What are you talking about?"

            Takuya saw that he had said too much. " Nothing. Nevermind. Do what you like. See ya." He turned around and left.

            Kouji stood there a second, watching his friend walk away. Takuya seemed in a very bad mood. And Kouji didn't like the way he was acting about me. Takuya was hiding something, he was sure of it. Kouji turned the other side and started walking to my house. When he got there, he stood in front of the front door for several minutes, his finger inches from the door bell. 

            "Takuya said to leave him alone. His mom told him to leave me alone as well. What's going on?" He sighed, and turned back to his own house.

            I was sitting in my bed, reading a book, when mom came in. She sat beside me and petted my head.

            " Mom! I'm a not a baby anymore." I chuckled. 

            " I know. But let me enjoy my motherhood a little longer!" She smiled. "My little boy has grown so much."

            " Mom... you sound like a soap opera character! Kouji has grown up too! Why don't you go pet him." She pulled me in her arms. " What's up, mom?"

            " I don't know...  It seems Kouji is becoming more and more of an adult each day and you're becoming just like him. I can't protect him like I'm protecting you. And now he's trying to pull you into the adult world with him." How right she was.

            " Mom, I won't be a child forever. Kouji is getting me to grow up in many ways. But it's not his fault, I've been alone for so long. But for now... I want to be your baby a little longer."

            " Kouichi..." she hugged me tightly and I held her back. Mother, I'm so glad you're here. Let's not think about the future yet. Right now, I'm satisfied with what I am. It took me a while to be ready to be a brother. Now I have to be ready to be a lover too. But not yet. Right now I'm a just a child in his mother's arms.

            The next day, Kouji and I were eating lunch on the school's roof, waiting for the others to come. Kouji didn't seem to suspect a thing. I sat anxiously, wondering if now would be the right time to talk to him. He was talking to me about various thing with munching on his sandwich but I wasn't listening at all. I was too busy getting ready mentally.

            " ... and then I told him that... Hey, are you listening to me?" he finally asked.

            " Uh? No... I mean yes!!"

            " You're weird." He chuckled.

            " Kouji?"

            "Um?"

            " There's something I have to tell you." I finally got the nerve to talk.

            " What is it?"

            " Well I... I..."

            " Yes?"

            " I... I really like that new shirt you're wearing!!" Way to go, Kouichi. You get an A+ in stupidity.

            " Thanks!"

            Great. Obviously talking to Kouji about the way he's been acting woudn't be easy after all. I had to be strong! I couldn't give up if I wanted things to change.

            " Kouji!"

            " What?"

            " What I really wanted to say is..."

            " HEY! There they are!" A loud voice came from the staircase. Soon Junpei and Izumi joined us. Great. Just when I was gonna talk too!

            " You really shouldn't eat the cafeteria food, Junpei!" the girl said. 

            " Nonsense!" the boy replied, putting down an huge platter of food beside him.

            " Hey, where is Takuya? He wasn't with you?" I asked. Kouji scowled.

            " He said he had things to do." Junpei answered, taking a bite of the cafeteria meal of the day.

            " Ugh! I'm telling you their food is terrible!" Izumi insisted.

            My friends made me laugh. I've lost my chance of speaking to Kouji. Oh well. There's always tomorrow. For now, I'll just listen to Izumi and Junpei argueing about whether the cafeteria food is poison or not.


	10. Chapter 10

Weeeeeeee! I'm bored! And I didn't have school all week! Yay! Lots of time to write! OMG! Chapter 10 already! So! Now is time Kouichi tells Kouji, for real this time!

**What part of no?**

Chapter 10

            Takuya caught me on the way back home.

            " So, have you told him yet?"

            " Not yet..."

            " What are you waiting for? Get it over with. Tell him today." Takuya looked very serious.

            " But..."

            " Today!" he repeated. " Allright? He's coming over for homework tonight, tell him there!"

            "..."  Was he ordering me around?

            " Sorry to be like this, but I can't stand watching you wasting away like this any longer. I care about you... Kouji too! So... just do it, Kouichi! I know you can do it!"

            Takuya gaved me a pat on the back, waved goodbye and went home. I continued my way to my own house. My steps were shaky and nervous. There was no backing down now. I had to tell Kouji today. I got home and had a glass of water to cool me down. I was sweating like I had jun ran a marathon. I hate stress. I really do. Only five minutes later, Kouji was already here. I my heart was ready to jump out of my chest as I heard to door bell.

            " He..llo." Arg. 

            " Hey! Nice robot act!" He laughed. Ugh... I was so nervous I was talking like a robot. Calm down, Kouichi. Calm down! " Kouichi, you look tired. Maybe you should quit the soccer team. That jerk Ayano is still making fun of you."

            " No. I can't quit and let the team down. I can't let him win. And beside... the soccer team gives me a oppotunity to spend time with Takuya." My brother groaned mentally.

            Kouji was already starting his homework while I hid my flushed face behind my textbook. I couldn't wait until he was finshed. He'd try to make out again so I had to talk before that.

            " Kouji!"

            " Yeah?"

            " I... do you want some tea?"  Failed again. Next time, for sure.

            " No thanks. Not right now."

            " Kouji!"

            " What's with the determined tone of voice?"

            " I have to tell you that..." Come on! Talk! "... that my mom said you could stay for dinner tonight." *curses*

            " Oh. Not tonight, sorry." I was reading to bang my head on the wall now. Tell him, damn it! TELL HIM! I got up.

            " Kouji! What I really want to say is...Kouji! I can't go on like this."

            My brother knew I was about to say something important, so he gave all his attention to me. " Go on."

            " Kouji... I love you and everything. But when we're making out... you do things to me that I don't want you to do." Kouji just stared at me. " I mean...you make me sad."

            Kouji stared even more. He got up as well. " What do you mean by that?!"

            "But you never listened! I don't want those things you want! You only think about what you want! I said 'No, don't do that' countless times! WHAT PART OF NO DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

            Kouji was startled. I had never ever raised my voice against him. " Is that really how you feel?"

            " Of course it is! I never intended to do dirty stuff with you. But you pushed me into it."

            " And it's now you're telling me? Sure, I heard you saying 'no' but you never really put up a fight, have you! You say no, but you still let me do it in the end! How am I supposed to know what you really want? You say no but your body cleary says yes! What am I supposed to do then?"

            He was right. I never did put up a fight. I let him do whatever he wanted. I was submissive. Even for my own brother, my pride had been broken. I fell to my knees and started crying. Kouji got down and hugged me but I pushed him away. I didn't want him to touch me right now. I turned my back to him, didn't want to let him see me cry. " I'm so weak, Kouji. I used to draw strenght from you. But now you're making me weak! I don't deserve you. You're strong." I sobbed some more.

            Kouji just stood there, not knowing what to say. I had never talked to him like this. He was shocked. I heard him picking up his stuff. " I'm sorry." He whispered before leaving me. I just cried some more. What was gonna happen now? I finally told him, but I wasn't feeling any better. I was scared. He left me alone. Kouji had left me alone. I cried all alone. I wanted someone to hold me in their arms. Mom wasn't there. Takuya. He would hold me. But he wasn't there. Izumi, Junpei, Tomoki. Anyone would do. But I was alone. I cried myself to sleep that night.

            I reluctantly went to school the day after. Takuya was waiting for me at the school gate. Kouji did not show up for school that day.

            " So? How did it go? You told him, right?" I looked at him with sick puppy eyes. " What... happened? You didn't tell him?"

            " I told him everything. I cried and he le left."

            " He left you alone? That dirty..."

            " Do NOT diss Kouji, you hear me?" I glared at him. " He did nothing wrong. He's right. It's all my fault."

            " How long are you gonna keep blaming yourself for everything?! It's not your fault!"

            " Yes it is! Sure, Kouji was acting a bit dirty but I'm the one who never stopped him."

            " What? But you told him to stop, didn't you?"

            " Takuya... mind your own business, please. This does not concern you, and it never did. Now leave me alone, please." I walked away, leaving him behind. He stared at me walking away until I was out of sight.

            " Kouichi... I guess I can't understand, uh? But I only want to help you. Because you deserve to be happy." Takuya decided to skip school. He was going to see Kouji.


	11. Chapter 11

Ummm…ice cream…Oh? Right! The fic! Hold on before saying Kouji is a jerk! He left Kouichi crying, true. But Kouichi is the one who pushed him away when he tried to confort him. Anyways..here's the rest.

**What part of no?**

Chapter 11

            " Kouji! Open up! I know you're here!" Takuya was banging on the door to Kouji's house.

            Annoyed, the other boy opened the door. " What are you doing here? Why aren't you at school?"

            " Why aren't you at school yourself?" They glared at each other.

            " None of your business."

            " You didn't want to face Kouichi, is that it?"

            Kouji was silent. He motionned Takuya to come in. They both sat down and Takuya looked angry.

            " Why did you come here, Takuya?"

            " Why aren't you with your brother?"

            " Why do you care?"

            " Why shouldn't I not care?"

            " Why should I listen to you?"

            " Why are you avoiding my questions with other questions?"

            " Leave me alone, Takuya! You don't know anything!"

            " Oh but I do know! I know everything!"

            Kouji froze. " What?"

            "Yeah." Takuya's voice was a little sad. " He told me everything."

            " What... he did? What did he tell you?"

            " Everything! I know about you and him going out, I know about you two making out and I definitely know about you pushing Kouichi into doing stuff with you!!"

            " This does not concern you, Takuya! Get out of here!"

            " No! You left Kouichi all alone yesterday!"

            " You don't know anything! You don't know what happened and what it feels like! You know nothing!! Stay out of our personnal matters! You have nothing to do with it! LEAVE US ALONE!!"

            Takuya groaned. " Forgive me, Kouichi. I'm not hitting your brother, I'm hitting my good friend who needs to wake up!" He thought, before punching Kouji. They got up and Kouji punched the other back. They fell to the ground and rolled on the ground, fighting fiercely. Takuya was on top, and was about to hit Kouji again, when he noticed the long haired boy staring a him, tears falling from his eyes. The goggle boy instanly calmed down.

            " You don't know how it feels..." Kouji said weakly. " ...to be in love with your brother. Can you imagine yourself making out with your little brother Shinya?"

            Takuya got off Kouji, and brushed away thoughts of him and Shinya making out. Nasty! Imagine being in love with Shinya... it would be so painful. Kouji and Kouichi feel that way all the time?

            " Takuya... I can't face Kouichi right now. I just can't! I hurt him. I feel so bad!"

            " Kouji..."

            " I was wrong. I'm so ashamed. What part of 'no' don't I understand? "

            Takuya placed his hand on Kouji's shoulder. " Go to him, Kouji. Go to him and tell him how you feel. So that both of you can be happy again."

            " Takuya... you really want to make Kouichi happy, don't you?" 

            " Of course I do!" he smiled.

            " I knew it. Takuya, you're in love with my brother, aren't you?"

            Takuya lowered his head and nodded silently. 

            " I'm sorry." Kouji said softly.

            " Don't be. I just want you and him to make up."

            " You're a very kind person, Takuya..."

            Takuya blushed. " Enough of this already! Just make everything good again, allright? See ya!" The boy left as quickly as he came. A bit confused, Kouji blinked. Then he realized he had to talk to me.

            School was out. It was a sad day. Both Kouji and Takuya skipped school today. I walked home slowly, eyes on the ground. I walked passed the park. A voice called out to me.

            " Nii-san." My head turned instantly. My brother was there, sitting on a bench, his back turned to me. Kouji rarely called me 'nii-san' . When he did, I knew something important was going on. I sat beside him, afraid to look at his face. He was afraid too, but talked anyways.

            " I'm sorry I left you alone yesterday. I didn't mean to make you sad. I felt so bad, I couldn't look at you anymore."

            " It's allright." I said in an emotionless voice.

            " I thought about everything. You were right, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you into making out with me. I never realized what I was doing was wrong. I couldn't hear you saying no, I refused to hear you. I should have listened. I only thought about my personnal needs. I acted like such a pervert! I don't know what came over me. I love you so much! I love everything of you, your body included... And thinking that way makes me feel terrible. I'm so ashamed of myself, Kouichi. I'm so sorry."

            I stayed silent. What Kouji said really touched me. He really was sorry. I always knew Kouji wasn't aware of what he was doing to me. But now he finally was. 

            " Kouichi..." He pulled me close to him and held me. " I really do love you."

            " Me too." Somehow I had a feeling something was wrong.

            " But..."

            Ok, the word 'but' never announces anything good.

            "...Kouichi... let's not go out together anymore." My heart froze. "Let's go back to how things were before."

            I pushed myself away from Kouji's arms. " Why? WHY!!?"

            " It's better this way."

            " No! You're the one who kept repeating to me that you didn't care what others said!"

            " I still don't care! This has nothing to do with others. Just with you and me. I want us to be like before."

            " Why?" At this point my face was flowing with tears. " We were finally together!"

            " I was happy to be with you, believe me. Nothing made me happier. But... What I did was wrong, things can never be right again. I can never be okay with what I did. We'll just be close brothers, like we were before."

            " You promised me... that nothing would get you away... from me."

            " I am still with you! But as your brother."

            " I understand."

            " I'm sorry, Kouichi."

            I got up, and ran away. Loud sobs came from me. Kouji looked at me, and as soon as I was gone, he fell to his knees with a sob and cried terribly hard. He cried his heart out. He cried like he had never cried before. Loudly, painfully, repeating my name over and over again...


	12. Chapter 12

Weee! Well, here's the last chapter! Wondering how it will end? You didn't think it ended in the last chapter, did you?  Hey, this chapter is told from Kouji's POV, ok? Well... here goes.

**What part of no?**

Chapter 12

            As soon as Takuya heard what happened, well... let's just say I thought the bleeding would never stop... I'm not angry at him, I deserved it. Letting Kouichi go was the hardest thing I had ever done. I didn't want to let him go! I wanted him to be mine forever! But... after all that I'd done, I couldn't pretend it didn't happen. I took advantage of him, I abused him. And I was never aware of it. I didn't hear him, I didn't listen to him. What part of no can't I understand? No means no, that's it. Nothing else. How will I know I won't make a mistake like that again and make my dear brother miserable again? I can't risk it! I can't forgive myself for causing him any unhappiness. I can't be with him. Being with me will only restrain him. He will never be strong if he stays with me. That's why I had to let him go. It hurts, it hurts so much! But it's for the better

            Takuya glared at me and Kouichi avoided me for a few weeks, but after that everything went back to normal. Both of them were speaking to me, and didn't look angry anymore. I doubt they forgave me, but they just decided that ignoring me wouldn't do any good. Looks like no one will ever know about the relationship my brother and I shared now, except for Takuya and my step mom. My step mom forgot about it once I told her it was over, thinking it was just a phase we were going through at that time. Maybe she was right. But Takuya never forgot. Kouichi had faced his fears of being rejected by telling Takuya about it. It must have been so hard for him, but Takuya brought him the confort he needed, didn't he? Kouichi must have trusted him a great deal, that and he was very desperate at the time... because of me. If Takuya hadn't been there, who knows what would have happened to Kouichi? Takuya is an amazing person. He may act stupid at times, but he's got the power to make everything right. And he loved my brother deeply, purely. When I let Kouichi go, I knew I was sending him right into Takuya's arms. It was the best thing to do.

            Just as I thought,  three months later, Takuya and Kouichi were going out together. I was the first one to congratulate them about it, but also the first one to shed tears about it. I was so happy for them. But so unhappy for me! Mine and Kouichi's relationship turned back to the way it was before all this had started. We were very close, and liked to have fun just the two of us or with the gang. This is what I wanted, what was best. I didn't mind behind sad as long as he was happy. And I had never seen Kouichi so happy as he were after starting going out with Takuya! I wasn't expecting any less from Takuya. One day, Takuya had came up to me, and said thank you.

            " For what?" I asked.

            " For letting me date your brother."

            " It's not my decision, it's his. He's better off with you anyway." I said, acting as if I didn't care. I was about to leave when I turned around at the goggle boy. " But you better take care of him!"

            " I will!"

            Kouichi is more than in good hands with Takuya. That's what I repeated to myself everyday. I came to watch them at the soccer match that day. Kouichi scored the final goal, making the team win. Takuya threw himself at him, and hugged him tight. I winced. Soon the other team members joined in the hug, screaming in joy, and Kouichi was lost under the pile of soccer players. He had earned the respect from his teammates. All execpt Ayano that is. He got pissed again, saying it was only stupid's luck that made Kouichi make that goal. Takuya and I glared at him, ready to fight. But Kouichi told us to stop. We backed away from Ayano, disapointed that Kouichi was going to let Ayano get away with it. But he didn't. Surprisingly, Kouichi punched the jerk so hard, he fell on the ground. He soon got up and tried to hit my brother back, but missed. The two of them got in a big fight. Takuya and I watched, jawdropped as Ayano left, mumbling something about revenge as he clenched his stomac. Kouichi had minor injuries. Woah. I had never seen Kouichi use violence before. My brother had gotten stronger. He could stand up for himself, he didn't need us to protect him. He was strong, in both mind and body. And Takuya was to thanks for this, again. Ayano was kicked out of the soccer team, at last.

            Though my heart still hurts a little whenever I see Takuya and Kouichi walking hand in hand, I feel great happiness for my brother and best friend. They don't have to hide, like Kouichi and I used to do. And that's good. Their love is so beautiful that they have to let everyone see. 

            And now, as I stand over here, watching Fire protecting Darkness from the cold autumn breeze under the rain of falling colored leaves, I realize that Fire was never so bright, and Darkness was never so beautiful.

            And Light was never so envious.

Owari~

****

Tada! The end! I guess it didn't end well for Kouji, but he knows what he did was for the best. Please review if you've read to story until here! Oh, if you don't mind, could you please state your age in your review? That would help me. How about a sequel? If people are interested, I may do one.


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